Showing posts with label LeBron. Show all posts
Showing posts with label LeBron. Show all posts

Friday, July 9, 2010

He's Going to Miami

Party in the city where the heat is on
All night on the beach till the break of dawn
Welcome to Miami (bienvenido a Miami)
Bouncing in the club where the heat is on
All night on the beach till the break of dawn
I'm going to Miami
Welcome to Miami

That, as you may very well know, is the chorus to the popular 90's track "Miami". Heat. Hmm, who's that. Is On. Dawn. What do "is on" and "dawn" rhyme with, heat fans??? The motherflipping parody song writes itself!!! Did heat fans write one? Noooo. Is LeBron a heat anyway? Yes. That's bulsh. That should be why jerseys are burning in streets. Why Dan Gilbert is so piping mad. Bienvenido a Miami, LeBron. While I can't fault a guy wanting to play ball in South Beach with his homies, I say go Celts, Magic and Bulls for that stunt you pulled. See you at the Death Star!

Friday, July 2, 2010

9 Drops of NBA Free Agency Knowledge



Random thoughts on NBA Free Agency 2010 so far...
  • I don't know who Amir Johnson is, but he re-signed with the Raps for $32 million (that'll ease the blow with fans when Bosh leaves!)
  • I heard Darko ($20 million) described as the most brilliant man on the planet this morning. I agree with the point, but I think that title belongs to his agent.
  • I can't decide if I want a LeBron Mavs jersey tee, or just a tee with a big picture of his face on it. Def getting wristbands though...
  • Rajon Rondo immediately looks underpaid at 5 years, $50 million.
  • Brendan Haywood is going to be really hard to re-sign (see wild ass contracts above)
  • Muchos gracias to Los Hawks for saving us from signing Joe Johnson.
  • Happy for Drew Gooden.
  • Also heard the Nyets are out of the LeSweepstakes because the word around the Association is that it sucks to play for Avery. Giggle.
  • If you want to read something about NBA Free Agency that is a lot better than this, see Guynes' buzz or go here

Monday, May 17, 2010

Move Over Donnie, There's a New GM in Town!!!

We all know that Mavs fans have been making this face a lot lately:


...but it's time to turn that frown upside-down, because someone has put forth some great - no, FANTASTIC - ideas on where to go with the Mavericks' roster!

I found this little gem buried on espn.com's comments section in a piece that Skin wrote about how to get the Atlanta Hawks' Joe Johnson to the Mavs.

It seems an armchair general manager by the name of "GrenceHarvey" has a pretty radical idea that nobody in the Dallas area or the sports media on the local or national level has even begun to consider yet. Instead of Joe Johnson, why don't we try and get someone better than Joe Johnson? Better yet, the argument is in all caps! I'll admit that definitely increased its effectiveness.

Keep in mind this was written between games 5 and 6 of the Cavs-Celtics series, so LeBron was still in the playoffs but the Cavs looked extremely vulnerable.

OK, enough with the backstory already!!! Let's get to the master plan! Hit it, Harvey! (His comments are in bold text, with my interjections in good ol' Mavs blue!)

if i were the GM of the team, i'll do his like this:

1.) IF THE CAVS WONT WIN THE TITLE THIS SEASON, IM SURE LEBRON WONT EXTEND HIS CONTRACT WITH THEM. SO HE'LL BECOME A GREE AGENT.

Not sure what a "gree agent" is, but I think we all agree he'll be bidding farewell to the land of Cleve! I mean Cleveland you guys!

2.) NOW LEBRON IS A FREE AGENT, I'LL SIGN HIM DIRECTLY.

Hey! Not a bad plan. I hear he's good!

3.) NEXT IS THIS: I'LL TRADE SHAN MARION AND HAYWOOD OR DAMP FOR KAMAN.

He's talking about the LA Clippers' Chris Kaman who plays center. Technically Brendan Haywood doesn't have a contract with the Mavericks, so we don't know how much he would make if Dallas did re-sign him, but let's assume he and "Shan Marion" make roughly the same that Kaman does. Great trade! With Blake Griffin back and impervious to future injury, Donald Sterling doesn't need a backup center.

=SO THE LINEUP WILL BE LIKE THIS:
PG= KIDD SG=BUTLER SF=JAMES PF=DIRK C=KAMAN
BENCH: TERRY, BEAUBOIS, BAREA, NAJERA, HAYWOOD OR DAMP, THOMAS, STEVENSON, CARROLL.

Wow! Great job, GM! Where's the line for season tickets?!

BUT IF THE CAVS WILL WIN THE TITLE:
1.) SIGN DWADE RATHER THAN JOE JOHNSON... DWADE: MUCH YOUNGER, TOUGHER, SCORER...

"DWADE" is referring to the Miami Heat's Dwyane Wade. And if "seven months" is a lot younger, then you're absolutely correct, Harv! Looks like the court has ruled a unanimous decision in the case of "Joe v Wade"!!!

2.) TRADE BUTLER AND HAYWOOD OR DAMP FOR KAMAN OR DAVID LEE.

No arguments here! Although I'm a little surprised you got the Knicks to give up their best player. Well, I guess he's not the best player once they sign LeBron! Oh, wait, you said he's staying with the Cavs in this scenario. Did they get Dwyane Wade then? Hold up - he's with us. Well I guess they just got tired of underpaying him and let him walk. Your negotiating skills never cease to amaze me!

LINEUP:
PG KIDD, SG WADE, SF MARION, PF DIRK, C KAMAN OR LEE

BENCH: TERRY, BEAUBOIS, BAREA, NAJERA, HAYWOOD OR DAMP, STEVENSON, THOMAS, CARROLL

Wow! Will this team EVER lose?! I know you kind of glossed over the fact that four of those guys are currently free agents, but I suppose you're just so good of a GM that you re-signed them all without so much as a mention!

So there you have it. The future is bright for your Dallas Mavericks, so get ready for our string of multiple championships!

Friday, May 14, 2010

Things Dallas Should Do To Get LeBron

  • Name a Metroplex suburb "LeBron" (LeBron, Texas. I would move there.)
  • "LeMavs" night (LeBron loves alt jerseys)
  • Creth calls his beard "LeBeard"
  • Membership in the Wolfpack (Peace out, anybody. Including me.)
  • 10 games at Cowboys Stadium (neither Cubes nor Jerry would object)
  • In fact, free naming rights for LeBron Cowboys Stadium
  • Double in fact, roster spot on the Cowboys (we gave Jesse Holley one, how 'bout a 6'9" dude who can run?)
  • Rename Cesar Chavez Blvd "LeBron Kicks Ass Blvd"
  • I have a brand new basketball that's never been used. LeBron, it's yours.
  • "LeMammals!!!"

Feel free to add more. We'll need it...

Friday, July 3, 2009

All-Star Saturday Night, Dallas


unless you've been under a rock or in Iraq then you know how bad the events of the NBA All-Star Saturday Night have been. the dunk contest is the only event worth watching. I wanna change that (originally I wanted a blacks vs. whites game but our legal department told me there's no clear way to determine the blackness of Jason Kidd, Deron Williams or Tim Duncan and there's also no clear way to determine the whiteness of Manu, Dirk, Pau or Tony Parker. they also said that the whole idea would be frowned upon at best- I hate frowning. so...) I want Dallas to lead the way with the NEW NBA ALL SUPER WORLD PARTY STAR Saturday Night.

AMERICA VS. THE WORLD

TEAM AMERICA starting five-
Kobe
LeBron
Howard
CP3
D-Wade

TEAM WORLD starting five-
Pau
Dirk
Hedo
Tony Parker
Rubio

who do you like?
who gets the first foul?
would anyone get an offensive rebound?
who would be the leading scorer?
who wins?
we all do.

Saturday, May 23, 2009

Just Wow...

Here's why LeBron is so awesome. After he hit that baaaaaaaad assssssssssss shot, he went nuts like a little kid and immediately went over to hug his teammates. He wanted to share the moment with them. 'Cause he gets it. Kobe would've run away from his team so he could be by himself and do his lil fist pump. Which he stole from Jordan.