ESP(N)

I'll start by saying this: I like ESPN. I watch ESPN. Wilbon is a guy I'd like to have a beer with and if I ever see Chris Broussard in person, I'll give him a windmill high-five. But I'm not so sure these guys are great at prognosticating how the NBA Playoffs will unfold. It's surely not an easy job and I'd probably fall on my face if I tried doing the same.

But with 83% of the first round of the 2011 NBA Playoffs over, I had a thought. Which expert predicted the outcomes best? I'll go through each one and award points for each prediction: 1 if you get the winner right, with a bonus 3 if you predict the number of games correctly. (This makes four points total, which I chose since a team wins one of four ways, e.g. 4, 5, 6, 7 games.) Here we go.

Correct winners in blue, correct winners and number of games are in red.

EASTERN CONFERENCE:

Chicago Bulls vs. Indiana Pacers

A strong start here. Everyone picked the winner correctly. Three bonus points for Michael Wilbon, Tim Legler, Hollingerbot-5000, Chad Ford, Chris Broussard, JA Adande, and whoever this Friedell kid is. It looks like every team has a hometown blogger/writer picking the series, so we'll count them aggregately.

Wilbon - 4
Legler - 4
Hollingerbot - 4
Ford - 4
Broussard - 4
JA Adande - 4
Local Writer - 4
Thorpe - 1
Sheridan - 1
Stein - 1
Arnovitz - 1
Abbott - 1

Miami Heat vs. Philadelphia 76ers


Wow. Another strong showing by the ESPN knuckleheads. 9 of 12 predicted the series exactly. Let's add that to the totals.

Wilbon - 8
Legler - 8
Hollingerbot - 8
Ford - 8
Broussard - 8
Local Writer - 8
JA Adande - 5
Thorpe - 5
Stein - 5
Arnovitz - 5
Sheridan - 2
Abbott - 2

Boston Celtics vs. New York Knicks

Good news/bad news here. Everyone picked the Celtics, but nobody picked the sweep. Everyone gets a point.

Wilbon - 9
Legler - 9
Hollingerbot - 9
Ford - 9
Broussard - 9
Local Writer - 9
JA Adande - 6
Thorpe - 6
Stein - 6
Arnovitz - 6
Sheridan - 3
Abbott - 3

Orlando Magic vs. Atlanta Hawks

OOPS. Atlanta won this series in a tidy 6 games. Nobody picked them to win 4 in seven tries, much less six. We award you no points, and my God have mercy on your souls.


WESTERN CONFERENCE

San Antonio Spurs vs. Memphis Grizzlies

Now, this is the only series that actually hasn't been decided yet, but for our purposes, it doesn't matter. If the Grizzlies win the series, everyone would be wrong. If the Spurs win the series, they have to do it in 7 games, which nobody predicted (yet everyone would get one point). So it's a complete wash, and we'll just move on... (Note that Brent Barry makes his first appearance here.)

Los Angeles Lakers vs. New Orleans Hornets

Another wash. Everyone predicted the Lakers' series win correctly, but nobody saw CP3 coming and somehow pulling off two wins for his squad. Everyone gets one meager point, so we'll update the totals. (Brent Barry filling in for Arnovitz.)

Wilbon - 10
Legler - 10
Hollingerbot - 10
Ford - 10
Broussard - 10
Local Writer - 10
JA Adande - 7
Thorpe - 7
Stein - 7
Arnovitz - 6
Sheridan - 4
Abbott - 4
Barry - 1

Dallas Mavericks vs. Portland Trailblazers

Finally a split decision. Two hit the nail on the head, four picked the right winner. This just might decide who the best predictor really is.

Thorpe - 11
Broussard - 11
Wilbon - 10
Legler - 10
Hollingerbot - 10
Ford - 10
Local Writer - 10
Stein - 8
JA Adande - 8
Arnovitz - 6
Abbott - 5
Sheridan - 4
Barry - 5

Oklahoma City Thunder vs. Denver Nuggets

Lots of people picking the Thunder here, but nobody guessing they pull off the series in five games. Award 1 point to everybody but SteinyMo and Henry Abbott.

Thorpe - 12
Broussard - 12
Wilbon - 11
Legler - 11
Hollingerbot - 11
Ford - 11
Local Writer - 10 (in six attempts)
JA Adande - 9
Stein - 8
Arnovitz - 7 (in six attempts)
Abbott - 5
Sheridan - 5
Barry - 6 (in four attempts)

So what does all of this mean? Out of 32 possible points, the highest anyone could get was 12. Now I realize if anyone got anywhere close to 32 they should be a professional sports gambler for a living and not an ESPN analyst. But what it means is that the experts are wrong. So very wrong, so very often. And with that as your final thought... I'll leave you with this:

Move Over Donnie, There's a New GM in Town!!!

We all know that Mavs fans have been making this face a lot lately:


...but it's time to turn that frown upside-down, because someone has put forth some great - no, FANTASTIC - ideas on where to go with the Mavericks' roster!

I found this little gem buried on espn.com's comments section in a piece that Skin wrote about how to get the Atlanta Hawks' Joe Johnson to the Mavs.

It seems an armchair general manager by the name of "GrenceHarvey" has a pretty radical idea that nobody in the Dallas area or the sports media on the local or national level has even begun to consider yet. Instead of Joe Johnson, why don't we try and get someone better than Joe Johnson? Better yet, the argument is in all caps! I'll admit that definitely increased its effectiveness.

Keep in mind this was written between games 5 and 6 of the Cavs-Celtics series, so LeBron was still in the playoffs but the Cavs looked extremely vulnerable.

OK, enough with the backstory already!!! Let's get to the master plan! Hit it, Harvey! (His comments are in bold text, with my interjections in good ol' Mavs blue!)

if i were the GM of the team, i'll do his like this:

1.) IF THE CAVS WONT WIN THE TITLE THIS SEASON, IM SURE LEBRON WONT EXTEND HIS CONTRACT WITH THEM. SO HE'LL BECOME A GREE AGENT.

Not sure what a "gree agent" is, but I think we all agree he'll be bidding farewell to the land of Cleve! I mean Cleveland you guys!

2.) NOW LEBRON IS A FREE AGENT, I'LL SIGN HIM DIRECTLY.

Hey! Not a bad plan. I hear he's good!

3.) NEXT IS THIS: I'LL TRADE SHAN MARION AND HAYWOOD OR DAMP FOR KAMAN.

He's talking about the LA Clippers' Chris Kaman who plays center. Technically Brendan Haywood doesn't have a contract with the Mavericks, so we don't know how much he would make if Dallas did re-sign him, but let's assume he and "Shan Marion" make roughly the same that Kaman does. Great trade! With Blake Griffin back and impervious to future injury, Donald Sterling doesn't need a backup center.

=SO THE LINEUP WILL BE LIKE THIS:
PG= KIDD SG=BUTLER SF=JAMES PF=DIRK C=KAMAN
BENCH: TERRY, BEAUBOIS, BAREA, NAJERA, HAYWOOD OR DAMP, THOMAS, STEVENSON, CARROLL.

Wow! Great job, GM! Where's the line for season tickets?!

BUT IF THE CAVS WILL WIN THE TITLE:
1.) SIGN DWADE RATHER THAN JOE JOHNSON... DWADE: MUCH YOUNGER, TOUGHER, SCORER...

"DWADE" is referring to the Miami Heat's Dwyane Wade. And if "seven months" is a lot younger, then you're absolutely correct, Harv! Looks like the court has ruled a unanimous decision in the case of "Joe v Wade"!!!

2.) TRADE BUTLER AND HAYWOOD OR DAMP FOR KAMAN OR DAVID LEE.

No arguments here! Although I'm a little surprised you got the Knicks to give up their best player. Well, I guess he's not the best player once they sign LeBron! Oh, wait, you said he's staying with the Cavs in this scenario. Did they get Dwyane Wade then? Hold up - he's with us. Well I guess they just got tired of underpaying him and let him walk. Your negotiating skills never cease to amaze me!

LINEUP:
PG KIDD, SG WADE, SF MARION, PF DIRK, C KAMAN OR LEE

BENCH: TERRY, BEAUBOIS, BAREA, NAJERA, HAYWOOD OR DAMP, STEVENSON, THOMAS, CARROLL

Wow! Will this team EVER lose?! I know you kind of glossed over the fact that four of those guys are currently free agents, but I suppose you're just so good of a GM that you re-signed them all without so much as a mention!

So there you have it. The future is bright for your Dallas Mavericks, so get ready for our string of multiple championships!

FOLLOW @THEYREMAMMALS 2010 NFL DRAFT LIVE TWEETING

did I say that right? what I'm tryin' to say is that we're going to tweet the hell outta the first round of the NFL draft tonight so you'd better go to www.twitter.com/theyremammals and follow us or become our friend so that we can trade hilarious observations while Jimmy Clausen waits.

The Return of NBA Jam, Part I

The original two-man game is back!!!

Ross and I have been clamoring for the return of NBA Jam for years now, and in the last week blogs of both the video game and sports persuasion are now reporting that the game is coming to one or more consoles via download, like XBox Live Arcade or the Virtual Console (though ESPN's article says "retail", which would mean a packaged game). It hasn't officially been announced, but it seems like a reimagining of the game is coming to the Wii (exclusively, according to ESPN) or possibly the XBox360 as well (according to video game sites like Kotaku).

I figured this was a near-impossibility once Midway shut down (it declared bankruptcy last year), and though they sold the rights to some of their more famous IPs like Mortal Kombat, I didn't hear anything about NBA Jam. Seems like Electronic Arts has bought the rights, and here we are, contemplating what could be NBA Jam 2010.

It's a no-brainer that the graphics will be updated while keeping the gameplay basically the same. (I wouldn't hate on them if they kept to 16- or 32-bit graphics though for the full throwback effect, but they'll undoubtedly give the game some needed polish.)

So what will need to be updated, of course, are the rosters, and the announcer phrases. In an effort to get a bit of blog discussion going, what would the rosters look like? I'll take one of the divisions in the NBA and break it down, leaving the others up for grabs.

Since I'm going first, I'm picking the Southwest division. We're going NBA Jam rules, not NBA Tournament Edition where you could sub one or two players. Ideally you want starters, not players off of the bench, and different positions when possible (no small forward/power forward or shooting guard/point guard combos).

Dallas Mavericks - Dirk Nowitzki and Jason Kidd (no hating on J-Ho or JET, but this would be the best one-two punch)
Houston Rockets - Aaron Brooks and Carl Landry (Landry's not a starter, but I like him better than Scola, and his stats are slightly better, too)
Memphis Grizzlies - Rudy Gay and O.J. Mayo (Zach Randolph is working his tail off this year, but don't deny me Gay Mayo)
New Orleans Hornets - Chris Paul and David West (I thought this one was pretty easy)
San Antonio Spurs - Tim Duncan and Tony Parker (I'm dismissing Ginobili because he's not a starter and I don't want to see him in Big Head Mode)

BONUS: Announcer Phrase for 2010 (to be spoken after a shot that falls short of the rim)
"Short bus!"

(I think Dirk might have the copyright on "Short Bus" so this could be an opportunity for him to collect royalties.)

I look forward to additional input and additional rosters...

thirty 4 thirty: Muhammad and Larry (also the football and Michael Jordan, yep, I'm a ramblin' man)

my dvr inexplicably stopped recording the first airing, then the crappy Tuesday night college football game postponed the ESPN2 second airing but finally I got to see this week's installment of 30 for 30. boxing. (I hope that football doesn't go the way of boxing as Malcolm Gladwell has predicted. I like football a lot, it's my favorite sport, and I wish I could've been around when boxing was as big as football is now.) documentaries like this remind me of that time when boxing was huge, they also remind me of why boxing isn't huge anymore. if Gladwell's right then it's fights like Ali/Holmes that doomed boxing as a national pastime. this episode of 30 for 30 was really good, maybe the best in the series so far, but it also reminded me of another boxing documentary that was amazing and really opened my eyes to who Ali was.

Thrilla in Manila HBO documentary is everything you ever needed to know about boxing- the spectacle, the politics, the manipulation, the frenzy, and some boxing. Muhammad Ali was not a likable person. watch either of these documentaries and you'll know what I'm talking about, but that's after the fact and years into his reign as our greatest living athletic treasure. bleh. there's no arguing the fact that at his best he was the best fighter but man, at any point he was the worst everything else and this is what brings me to Michael Jordan. how will history remember him? after his HOF speech people started calling him everything but evil (YouTube). I just wanna know if that is the makeup of a champ? was Jordan just the second coming of Ali? heck, now I'd say maybe Kobe is in fact the second coming of Jordan after all we know about him (Kobe) and his personality... quirks. (Lebron doesn't have it in him to be the next Ali or Jordan, he's too nice a guy.) so how will we think of Jordan in the next 30 years? will we forgive (or forget) his many downfalls and only remember him as the greatest or will remember the whole man? it's obvious to me that we've compartmentalized Ali, I'm just not sure that that's the right thing to do. oh the drama of sport

thirty 4 thirty

last night's episode tackled the short lived USFLeague. pretty interesting stuff considering we've recently had more info about the "other" leagues than ever before, what with the Showtime AFL series Full Color Football, and the start up of the UFL a couple weeks ago. I'm waiting for someone to explain the CFL to me, cuz that's one that I just don't get and yet it seems to have been around for a while. anyway, I liked the USFL 30 for 30 although it was more about what went wrong and I would have liked to have heard about all of the players that moved to the NFL and were very successful/all of the rule changes that the NFL copied. Saab, ha

thirty 4 thirty

anybody watch the first "episode" of ESPN's new documentary series "30 for 30?" thirty sports stories, covering the thirty years of ESPN's existence, told by famous Hollywood directors. last night was Peter Berg's Gretzky doc "Kings Ransom" in which I learned more about hockey than I have ever known. I'm now a huge Edmonton Oilers fan (go Oilers, beat the Stars last night) and I now know what the WHA was

Michael Irvin is a man

was anyone listening to ESPN 103.3 around eleven o'clock this morning? at the start of Michael Irvin's radio show he said a prayer for all those touched by the accident Saturday at Valley Ranch. he prayed during his entire first segment. it was an awesome prayer, it was a prayer for those injured and those listening. Irvin has a way of shinin' God's light on all who will listen, God bless Michael Irvin and God bless all of those injured Saturday at Valley Ranch

Stop Cheating, Jalen Rose

I'm wise to ESPN's Jalen Rose. He initially picked the Spurs to win round 1 vs. your Dallas Mavericks, but has since changed his pick. I wish I had a screenshot from two weeks ago when the picks were in, but I don't, so you'll have to take my word on this one. What I do recall is that the picks were split down the middle and alternated both vertically and horizontally. So all of a sudden, Jalen's pick looks out of place.

So congratulations cheater, you're now officially my least favorite ESPN-er. And just so you know how serious I am, I'm including Jemele Hill in that discussion.

In summary, I hate cheating more than I love the Mavericks.

somebody give Simmons credit

for coming up with this idea that the network Bogarted, as for the Texas Mt. I hate that Lance made it and I've never cared for Mr. Campbell

Newy Scruggs long over-due return to radio

finally. this should have happened a long time ago, I even e-mailed management at espnradio telling them they'd made a mistake but their loss is definitely The Fan's gain. and Sean Salisbury's too

Mavs win but at what cost?

the #4- so many memories are tied to that jersey, so many that I'd rather not see Shawne Williams wearing it. ESPN doesn't take pictures of Shawne Williams so this shot of Luis Scola rubbing James Singleton's face will have to do. it's awkward, uncomfortable, something you never wanna see on the basketball court. kind of like someone wearing Fin-dog's jersey.

SURPRISE, GAME ON NFL NETWORK JUST FOOTBALL

maybe this was the first time that I've really paid attention to an NFL Network Thursday night football game this year, maybe this was the first time I was able to exhale after the debacle that was Bryant Gumbel, but this was FOOTBALL ON TELEVISION AT ITS GREATEST.

I have no idea who Bob Papa is and I'm willing to be he's S1M0NE's older brother because he was too perfect to be real. the guy said nothing memorable. that means he didn't bother me.

as for people that usually bother me- Cris Collinsworth, did not suck. and no sideline reporter?? GENIUS

best of all was that The Network didn't make a circus out of the game that has so often been turned into (by the likes of FOX & ESPN) a three ringer. first missing ring? ridiculous on screen images. yes YOU, robot. second missing ring?music, especially dramatic music. third missing ring- exaggerated crowd noise.

thank you NFL Network for televising just football.