Mammals on Parade

Last week, Guynes, Richard and I took our talents to the Parade to salute your World Champion Dallas Mavericks. Take. Dat. Wit. Chew.







And later that day I met Le French Dirk, Mavs superstar to be Ian Mahinmi. LET'S GOOOOOO!!!!!

"take dat wit chew!"

your 2010-2011 World Champion Dallas Mavericks

ESP(N)

I'll start by saying this: I like ESPN. I watch ESPN. Wilbon is a guy I'd like to have a beer with and if I ever see Chris Broussard in person, I'll give him a windmill high-five. But I'm not so sure these guys are great at prognosticating how the NBA Playoffs will unfold. It's surely not an easy job and I'd probably fall on my face if I tried doing the same.

But with 83% of the first round of the 2011 NBA Playoffs over, I had a thought. Which expert predicted the outcomes best? I'll go through each one and award points for each prediction: 1 if you get the winner right, with a bonus 3 if you predict the number of games correctly. (This makes four points total, which I chose since a team wins one of four ways, e.g. 4, 5, 6, 7 games.) Here we go.

Correct winners in blue, correct winners and number of games are in red.

EASTERN CONFERENCE:

Chicago Bulls vs. Indiana Pacers

A strong start here. Everyone picked the winner correctly. Three bonus points for Michael Wilbon, Tim Legler, Hollingerbot-5000, Chad Ford, Chris Broussard, JA Adande, and whoever this Friedell kid is. It looks like every team has a hometown blogger/writer picking the series, so we'll count them aggregately.

Wilbon - 4
Legler - 4
Hollingerbot - 4
Ford - 4
Broussard - 4
JA Adande - 4
Local Writer - 4
Thorpe - 1
Sheridan - 1
Stein - 1
Arnovitz - 1
Abbott - 1

Miami Heat vs. Philadelphia 76ers


Wow. Another strong showing by the ESPN knuckleheads. 9 of 12 predicted the series exactly. Let's add that to the totals.

Wilbon - 8
Legler - 8
Hollingerbot - 8
Ford - 8
Broussard - 8
Local Writer - 8
JA Adande - 5
Thorpe - 5
Stein - 5
Arnovitz - 5
Sheridan - 2
Abbott - 2

Boston Celtics vs. New York Knicks

Good news/bad news here. Everyone picked the Celtics, but nobody picked the sweep. Everyone gets a point.

Wilbon - 9
Legler - 9
Hollingerbot - 9
Ford - 9
Broussard - 9
Local Writer - 9
JA Adande - 6
Thorpe - 6
Stein - 6
Arnovitz - 6
Sheridan - 3
Abbott - 3

Orlando Magic vs. Atlanta Hawks

OOPS. Atlanta won this series in a tidy 6 games. Nobody picked them to win 4 in seven tries, much less six. We award you no points, and my God have mercy on your souls.


WESTERN CONFERENCE

San Antonio Spurs vs. Memphis Grizzlies

Now, this is the only series that actually hasn't been decided yet, but for our purposes, it doesn't matter. If the Grizzlies win the series, everyone would be wrong. If the Spurs win the series, they have to do it in 7 games, which nobody predicted (yet everyone would get one point). So it's a complete wash, and we'll just move on... (Note that Brent Barry makes his first appearance here.)

Los Angeles Lakers vs. New Orleans Hornets

Another wash. Everyone predicted the Lakers' series win correctly, but nobody saw CP3 coming and somehow pulling off two wins for his squad. Everyone gets one meager point, so we'll update the totals. (Brent Barry filling in for Arnovitz.)

Wilbon - 10
Legler - 10
Hollingerbot - 10
Ford - 10
Broussard - 10
Local Writer - 10
JA Adande - 7
Thorpe - 7
Stein - 7
Arnovitz - 6
Sheridan - 4
Abbott - 4
Barry - 1

Dallas Mavericks vs. Portland Trailblazers

Finally a split decision. Two hit the nail on the head, four picked the right winner. This just might decide who the best predictor really is.

Thorpe - 11
Broussard - 11
Wilbon - 10
Legler - 10
Hollingerbot - 10
Ford - 10
Local Writer - 10
Stein - 8
JA Adande - 8
Arnovitz - 6
Abbott - 5
Sheridan - 4
Barry - 5

Oklahoma City Thunder vs. Denver Nuggets

Lots of people picking the Thunder here, but nobody guessing they pull off the series in five games. Award 1 point to everybody but SteinyMo and Henry Abbott.

Thorpe - 12
Broussard - 12
Wilbon - 11
Legler - 11
Hollingerbot - 11
Ford - 11
Local Writer - 10 (in six attempts)
JA Adande - 9
Stein - 8
Arnovitz - 7 (in six attempts)
Abbott - 5
Sheridan - 5
Barry - 6 (in four attempts)

So what does all of this mean? Out of 32 possible points, the highest anyone could get was 12. Now I realize if anyone got anywhere close to 32 they should be a professional sports gambler for a living and not an ESPN analyst. But what it means is that the experts are wrong. So very wrong, so very often. And with that as your final thought... I'll leave you with this:

Dirk & Steve together again

just wondering... aren't all of the white players really white? and since when was Kobe as dark as KG? Melo, perfect.p.s. Nash looks like a woman

please Chris Kaman to the Mavs

new letter from Cavs owner Dan Gilbert regarding another player's departure

Dear Cleveland, all of Northeast Ohio and Cleveland Cavaliers supporters wherever you may be tonight;

As you now know, our former hero, who grew up in a very different region that he deserted this morning, is no longer a Cleveland Cavalier.

This was announced- this was announced?

Clearly, this is bitterly disappointing to all of us.

The good news is that the ownership team and the rest of the hard-working, loyal, and driven staff over here at your hometown Cavaliers have not betrayed you nor NEVER will betray you.

There is so much more to tell you about the events of the recent past and our more than exciting future. Over the next several days and weeks, we will be communicating much of that to you.

You simply don't deserve this kind of cowardly betrayal.

You have given so much and deserve so much more.

In the meantime, I want to make one statement to you tonight: "I personally guarantee that the Cleveland Cavaliers will win an NBA Championship before the self-titled former 'Z' wins one."

You can take it to the bank.

If you thought we were motivated before tonight to bring the hardware to Cleveland, I can tell you that this shameful display of selfishness and betrayal by one of our very own has shifted our "motivation" to previously unknown and previously never experienced levels.

Some people think they should go to heaven but NOT have to die to get there.

Sorry, but that's simply not how it works.

This shocking act of disloyalty from our not so homegrown "Ilgauskas" sends the exact opposite lesson of what we would want our children to learn. And "who" we would want them to grow up to become.

But the good news is that this heartless and callous action can only serve as the antidote to the so-called "curse" on Cleveland, Ohio.

The self-declared former "Z" will be taking the "curse" with him down south. And until he does "right" by Cleveland and Ohio, Zydrynas (and the town where he plays) will unfortunately own this dreaded spell and bad karma.

Just watch.

Sleep well, Cleveland. Tomorrow is a new and much brighter day...

I PROMISE you that our energy, focus, capital, knowledge and experience will be directed at one thing and one thing only:

DELIVERING YOU the championship you have long deserved and is long overdue...

reaction to Dampier trade

“I strongly disagree with Erick Dampier's recent comments and we are not going to engage in any related discussion on it. Going forward, we’re very excited about the Mavericks and the positive future of our region.”

He's Going to Miami

Party in the city where the heat is on
All night on the beach till the break of dawn
Welcome to Miami (bienvenido a Miami)
Bouncing in the club where the heat is on
All night on the beach till the break of dawn
I'm going to Miami
Welcome to Miami

That, as you may very well know, is the chorus to the popular 90's track "Miami". Heat. Hmm, who's that. Is On. Dawn. What do "is on" and "dawn" rhyme with, heat fans??? The motherflipping parody song writes itself!!! Did heat fans write one? Noooo. Is LeBron a heat anyway? Yes. That's bulsh. That should be why jerseys are burning in streets. Why Dan Gilbert is so piping mad. Bienvenido a Miami, LeBron. While I can't fault a guy wanting to play ball in South Beach with his homies, I say go Celts, Magic and Bulls for that stunt you pulled. See you at the Death Star!

9 Drops of NBA Free Agency Knowledge

Random thoughts on NBA Free Agency 2010 so far...

• I don't know who Amir Johnson is, but he re-signed with the Raps for $32 million (that'll ease the blow with fans when Bosh leaves!)
• I heard Darko ($20 million) described as the most brilliant man on the planet this morning. I agree with the point, but I think that title belongs to his agent.
• I can't decide if I want a LeBron Mavs jersey tee, or just a tee with a big picture of his face on it. Def getting wristbands though...
• Rajon Rondo immediately looks underpaid at 5 years, $50 million.
• Brendan Haywood is going to be really hard to re-sign (see wild ass contracts above)
• Muchos gracias to Los Hawks for saving us from signing Joe Johnson.
• Happy for Drew Gooden.
• Also heard the Nyets are out of the LeSweepstakes because the word around the Association is that it sucks to play for Avery. Giggle.
• If you want to read something about NBA Free Agency that is a lot better than this, see Guynes' buzz or go here
  

NBA draft is tonight

Mavericks, please tell the Harlem Globetrotters that you'll be taking Mister Mark Titus off of their hands

He good.

Originally posted 6.15.2009...

He's won 10 NBA championships in 19 seasons of coaching. He's won "one for the thumb". Twice. But there is one more campaign to complete. Phil Jackson needs #11, a.k.a. the "ring for the ding-a-ling".

UPDATE: He got it! What's the motivation now? Rename the Big 12 the Big Phil Jackson? That makes zero sense. We do need a new name though, and I haven't heard a good one yet...

do I miss Steve? yes.

Things Dallas Should Do To Get LeBron

• Name a Metroplex suburb "LeBron" (LeBron, Texas. I would move there.)
• "LeMavs" night (LeBron loves alt jerseys)
• Creth calls his beard "LeBeard"
• Membership in the Wolfpack (Peace out, anybody. Including me.)
• 10 games at Cowboys Stadium (neither Cubes nor Jerry would object)
• In fact, free naming rights for LeBron Cowboys Stadium
• Double in fact, roster spot on the Cowboys (we gave Jesse Holley one, how 'bout a 6'9" dude who can run?)
• Rename Cesar Chavez Blvd "LeBron Kicks Ass Blvd"
• I have a brand new basketball that's never been used. LeBron, it's yours.
• "LeMammals!!!"

Feel free to add more. We'll need it...

because I've already moved on...

seriously? no. I'm still so pissed I could spit that Rick "Butterfly Kisses" Carlisle screwed up the Mavericks' playoff hopes by leaving our most valuable weapon (Roddy B.) on the bench for most of the series....

but when I look at Zach Galifianakis and Tony Romo laughing together I can't help but feel that all is right in the world. at least for that moment.

Fear the Deer (Mascot)

Take notice, Champ...this is insane!

Deshawn, Abe and Adam's apple

Look at these (un)cool shirts you can buy...

Click the image below to see why I'm piping mad at these guys...

Triple Official 2010 NBA Playoffs Preview

First Round Series Previews and Fearless Predictions in 10 words or less...

WEST

LA vs OKC
Glitziest NBA city vs Suburbiest NBA city

Dallas vs San Antonio
We meet again...

PHX vs Portland
Kick each other's ass!

Denver vs Utah
I wish JR Smith played for Utah for comedic reasons

EAST

Just tell me what time LeBron plays...

is this what Jet will look like after surgery?

MeShawn Stevenson a.k.a. costume 2010