THEY'RE MAMMALS!!!

Well, This Made My Day

2012-02-07T13:05:00.003-06:00

#RonWashington #notdumb

2011-10-25T16:22:00.001-05:00

#happybirthdayfish

Domokun Suh

2011-10-25T16:12:00.002-05:00

The Dallas K-Swiss Tubes?

2011-07-11T14:06:00.001-05:00

see the video here

Mammals on Parade

2011-06-19T18:37:00.021-05:00

Last week, Guynes, Richard and I took our talents to the Parade to salute your World Champion Dallas Mavericks. Take. Dat. Wit. Chew.

And later that day I met Le French Dirk, Mavs superstar to be Ian Mahinmi. LET'S GOOOOOO!!!!!

"take dat wit chew!"

2011-06-13T12:06:00.001-05:00

your 2010-2011 World Champion Dallas Mavericks

Rant - The Texas Rangers Mascot, Captain

2011-05-09T17:50:00.003-05:00

I love the Texas Rangers. For the longest time, I liked their mascot too. With the exception of Mavs Man, he was the mascot that I wasn't truly beaten down by. Champ plays second fiddle to Mavs Man, and the Cowboys mascot, Rowdy, needs to go away...forever. Commence rant.

One beautiful summer day, my dear friend Greg hooked Derek and I up with some incredible 6th row seats behind the Rangers dugout. With the combination of playoff-caliber baseball, cold beer, and friendly camaraderie, this day reached such a peak that not even a sub-par dot race could ruin.

After a few innings and beers, I decide it's time for my must-have-at-any-game staple, a salted pretzel with mustard. If you know me, then you know that I like a pretzel-to-mustard ratio of at least 3:2. Unlike the American Airlines Center, The Rangers Ballpark In Arlington doesn't provide paper cups to host your condiments. To this day, I am still forced to squeeze mustard directly onto the pretzel and use the wax paper as a drip receptacle.

I've made it down to my seat, pretzel in hand, knowing that I have checked off everything I needed to do at this game. The only thing remaining to make it a perfect trip would be a Rangers victory. I am sitting down with my knees closed, pretzel resting on my legs, while my mustard-soaked fingers peel it apart and enjoying every bit of it. Over my shoulder I notice quite the hubbub going on amongst the Ballpark patrons. It turns out that everyone's favorite mascot is making his way down the steps, holding babies, taking pictures, giving hi-fives.

The Rangers Captain thinks it would be an AWESOMELY FUN idea to sit in the seat directly in front of me instead of sitting on the steps or on top of the dugout as per usual. His giant mane made of nasty, unwashed, costume hair is now slathering all over the mustard on the pretzel in my lap. My knee-jerk reaction was to immediately yell, "HEY HEY HEY!" He obviously heard me because he stood up, turned around, and looked at me while I pointed to the mess he just made. He thought this was funny. I did not.

The future glue producer takes his furry mittens and purposely wipes his finger in the mustard on my lap. He then proceeds to pretend to lick it off, which is hilarious I know, but knowing he actually needs to get rid of the mustard on his costume, he wipes it ON MY FACE.

My face, once happy as can be, is now full of rage (and a dash of mustard). Captain turns around and heads for the dugout. It took succumbing to the reality of going to jail for me not to clothesline him off the dugout and onto the field. I then enjoyed what I could of the remainder of the game, and officially sworn off this mascot forever.

1 year later ...

We have the same seats, the jackass makes his way down our aisle, except this time he sits a few rows in front of us (probably a good call). Everyone is trying to get a picture with him, parents are holding out their arms saying "HOLD MY BABY!", and the place is going unnecessarily bananas. He decides to sit in an empty seat in front of a child who has to look around him to watch the game because his head is so freakin' big. Next, he steals from what looks to be a brand new hat off a little girl, and throws it on the ground intending to hide it from her. What a cute, fun game!

First of all, the child he sat in front of has good seats. Expensive seats. Good, expensive seats that you're going to force someone to look around you to watch the game. Secondly, I don't know how expensive brand new hats are at the Ballpark, but I can surely assume they aren't cheap. For Captain to nonchalantly throw it on the nacho/peanut shell/beer covered ground, is entirely bad form. He eventually got up and went to go stand on top of the dugout. It took succumbing to the reality of going to jail for me not to clothesline him off the dugout and onto the field...again.

In summary, Rangers Captain, you're dead to me.

ESP(N)

2011-04-29T14:58:00.012-05:00

I'll start by saying this: I like ESPN. I watch ESPN. Wilbon is a guy I'd like to have a beer with and if I ever see Chris Broussard in person, I'll give him a windmill high-five. But I'm not so sure these guys are great at prognosticating how the NBA Playoffs will unfold. It's surely not an easy job and I'd probably fall on my face if I tried doing the same.

But with 83% of the first round of the 2011 NBA Playoffs over, I had a thought. Which expert predicted the outcomes best? I'll go through each one and award points for each prediction: 1 if you get the winner right, with a bonus 3 if you predict the number of games correctly. (This makes four points total, which I chose since a team wins one of four ways, e.g. 4, 5, 6, 7 games.) Here we go.

Correct winners in blue, correct winners and number of games are in red.

EASTERN CONFERENCE:

Chicago Bulls vs. Indiana Pacers

A strong start here. Everyone picked the winner correctly. Three bonus points for Michael Wilbon, Tim Legler, Hollingerbot-5000, Chad Ford, Chris Broussard, JA Adande, and whoever this Friedell kid is. It looks like every team has a hometown blogger/writer picking the series, so we'll count them aggregately.

Wilbon - 4
Legler - 4
Hollingerbot - 4
Ford - 4
Broussard - 4
JA Adande - 4
Local Writer - 4
Thorpe - 1
Sheridan - 1
Stein - 1
Arnovitz - 1
Abbott - 1

Miami Heat vs. Philadelphia 76ers

Wow. Another strong showing by the ESPN knuckleheads. 9 of 12 predicted the series exactly. Let's add that to the totals.

Wilbon - 8
Legler - 8
Hollingerbot - 8
Ford - 8
Broussard - 8
Local Writer - 8
JA Adande - 5
Thorpe - 5
Stein - 5
Arnovitz - 5
Sheridan - 2
Abbott - 2

Boston Celtics vs. New York Knicks

Good news/bad news here. Everyone picked the Celtics, but nobody picked the sweep. Everyone gets a point.

Wilbon - 9
Legler - 9
Hollingerbot - 9
Ford - 9
Broussard - 9
Local Writer - 9
JA Adande - 6
Thorpe - 6
Stein - 6
Arnovitz - 6
Sheridan - 3
Abbott - 3

Orlando Magic vs. Atlanta Hawks

OOPS. Atlanta won this series in a tidy 6 games. Nobody picked them to win 4 in seven tries, much less six. We award you no points, and my God have mercy on your souls.

WESTERN CONFERENCE

San Antonio Spurs vs. Memphis Grizzlies

Now, this is the only series that actually hasn't been decided yet, but for our purposes, it doesn't matter. If the Grizzlies win the series, everyone would be wrong. If the Spurs win the series, they have to do it in 7 games, which nobody predicted (yet everyone would get one point). So it's a complete wash, and we'll just move on... (Note that Brent Barry makes his first appearance here.)

Los Angeles Lakers vs. New Orleans Hornets

Another wash. Everyone predicted the Lakers' series win correctly, but nobody saw CP3 coming and somehow pulling off two wins for his squad. Everyone gets one meager point, so we'll update the totals. (Brent Barry filling in for Arnovitz.)

Wilbon - 10
Legler - 10
Hollingerbot - 10
Ford - 10
Broussard - 10
Local Writer - 10
JA Adande - 7
Thorpe - 7
Stein - 7
Arnovitz - 6
Sheridan - 4
Abbott - 4
Barry - 1

Dallas Mavericks vs. Portland Trailblazers

Finally a split decision. Two hit the nail on the head, four picked the right winner. This just might decide who the best predictor really is.

Thorpe - 11
Broussard - 11
Wilbon - 10
Legler - 10
Hollingerbot - 10
Ford - 10
Local Writer - 10
Stein - 8
JA Adande - 8
Arnovitz - 6
Abbott - 5
Sheridan - 4
Barry - 5

Oklahoma City Thunder vs. Denver Nuggets

Lots of people picking the Thunder here, but nobody guessing they pull off the series in five games. Award 1 point to everybody but SteinyMo and Henry Abbott.

Thorpe - 12
Broussard - 12
Wilbon - 11
Legler - 11
Hollingerbot - 11
Ford - 11
Local Writer - 10 (in six attempts)
JA Adande - 9
Stein - 8
Arnovitz - 7 (in six attempts)
Abbott - 5
Sheridan - 5
Barry - 6 (in four attempts)

So what does all of this mean? Out of 32 possible points, the highest anyone could get was 12. Now I realize if anyone got anywhere close to 32 they should be a professional sports gambler for a living and not an ESPN analyst. But what it means is that the experts are wrong. So very wrong, so very often. And with that as your final thought... I'll leave you with this:

Blath Friday

2011-02-24T17:15:00.009-06:00

My Trip to Potbelly 2: THE RETURN

2010-12-23T12:58:00.004-06:00

(No photo due to ponytail)

Welp, Potbelly Guida looked less like Clay Guida today with his pulled back hair and scrawny arms, but that didn't stop the rock. Today's playlist:

Every Rose Has Its Thorn – Poison (a staple, apparently)
Silent Lucidity – Queensrÿche
Jingle Bells – Santa Jesus
The World I Know – Collective Soul
Pour Some Sugar On Me – Def Leppard (by request, from a child of the 80's who appears to have never met a roadie she didn't take a liking to)
Don't Cry – Guns N' Roses

...and I just realized I had the exact same sandwich as last time.

My Trip to Potbelly

2010-12-16T12:56:00.004-06:00

Potbelly?!? That's not sports-y! Oh contraire, mon frere. It is when the UFC's own Clay Guida is serenading the popular eatery at 15th and 75. The Carpenter loves him some 80's and 90's ballads. Today's set list:

Every Rose Has Its Thorn – Poison
Something To Believe In – Poison (might wanna mix in some Mr. Big or Nelson for variety)
Under the Bridge – Red Hot Chili Peppers
Lightning Crashes – Live

...and just in case you were wondering: Big Turkey on thin-cut wheat. Mustard, hot peppers, onions, tomatoes and pickles.

Rant - Sports Radio 1310 The Ticket

2010-12-15T17:22:00.004-06:00

Before I rant let’s make one thing perfectly clear, I LOVE Sports Radio 1310 The Ticket. There is NO other radio station I would rather listen to and would prefer to sit in silence than listen to The Fan. Although I would name my first kid Jub-Jub, I have my gripes with the little Ticket.

The Musers – 5:30-10:00 (George Dunham/Craig Miller/Gordon Keith)
I absolutely love the morning show. As a young tween, it was really the only time of day when I listened to The Ticket, while on my way to school. The chemistry between Craig and George is stellar, and Gordo’s daily line-crossing makes for an excellent radio show. I just wish I woke up early enough to hear more of it. Junior is probably my second favorite host out of the entire station. When Gordo does Muse In The News and Craig has no responsibilities, he is able to sit back and make jokes that are so bad, they’re hilarious. The "E-Brake of the Week" is bar none my favorite segment.

The Norm Hitzges Show – 10:00-12:00 (Norm Hitzges)
I never go out of my way to hear Norm. I never say to myself “It’s 10:00, I need to see what Norm’s up to”, but when I’m listening, I can’t stop. He sucks me in with his incredible knowledge of statistics and passion for all things sports, not to mention he is a drop machine. Pretty much everything he says I think to myself ‘I hope they marked that’. Norm is a radio legend and I love the man like a weird grandfather who doesn't really know what's going on in the world outside of sports.

BaD Radio – 12:00-3:00 – (Bob Sturm/Dan MacDowell/Donovan Lewis)
My gripes don’t really start until noon. Donovan, you suck and you bring nothing to the table. I am listening to The Ticket right now and Bob and Dan are discussing Benji Molina’s baserunning on game 5 of the ALDS and Donovan chimed in with “It looked like he had to go #2!!” We might as well have hired Big Al Mac from KISSFM because you both have the same contributions (my mom used to listen to Kidd Kraddick when taking me to grade school, I have a frame of reference). Bob is my favorite host and combined with Dan, they make the perfect chemistry. "Why Today Doesn't Suck" is a glorious 20 minute window of hosts joining forces to be wheels-off and provide comedy gold. Verdict = Less Donovan.

An open letter to Michael Gruber: Grubes, you are a master at your craft, which is playing perfectly timed drops, however, you need shut your damn mouth and not speak on the air. Go back to playing silly sound effects and let the hosts do their job. “Smoke monster, snarl”? I don’t understand how Bob and Dan find that funny, which in turn enables you to continue speaking. Perhaps it’s a sympathy laugh, perhaps it’s an effort of being polite because they have to work with you every day. You and Rhyner calling each other "Shoopie" is aslo very strange. I am reminded of the Seinfeld when Jerry and his girlfriend of the episode called each other "Schmoopie". Verdict = Less Grubes.

The Hardline – 3:00-7:00 (Mike Rhyner/Corby Davidson/Danny Balis)
I used to love the Hardline the most, now I think it’s my least favorite show. Every show is practically a carbon copy of itself. The 3 minute intro hasn't changed in years and any self-proclaimed P1 can also recite this word for word. Allow me:

"THREEEE thirty-two is the time. Thirty two minutes past 3pm Central Standard Time accoriding to the tower of the friendly mercantile. The tuner is on America's favorite radio station Sports Radio 1310 The Ticket. Warmest greetings tickheads and ticketchicks. It's Tuesday December 14th and time to heed to, trice up, mill about smartly throughout the premises making certain all radios are tuned to America's favorite sports station 1310 The Ticket. This is Mike Rhyner coming at you from the nurturing bioshpere of the mothership. Thank you for joining us while we invade your personal space. With us today, The Knox City Knocker Danpaul Balis, Matt Maclaren on tickers, Alexis with traffico-traffico, at the helm, Shoopie, but right now, lets bring on the man who can elevate that line to the state it needs to be at. Put your hands together for the Cobra."

I enjoy Mike's Mind because the'yre still coming down from "Why Today Doesn't Suck" and messing around. Even though I still listen to it on the way home, the rest of the show bores me. Corby is so over-the-top with his "Best (insert anything here, band, song, ice cream flavor, OU player) EVER". I hate it when it's time for the "College Football Blowhard" because that's when he gets on his soap box and says he knows everything about college football. "E-news" doesn't do it for me anymore. "The Pool Party" is fun when Danny has the reigns. Overall, it seems the Old Grey Wolf is going through the motions and isn't giving me much to look forward to anymore...although I still get pissed when they go off air early to air Stars games. Maybe it's my distatse for the NHL, but that's another rant.

I still love you, Ticket. Disagreements are natural in relationships of any kind.

Well that's our show for today. We do thank you for allowing us to invade your personal space. Join us tomorrow at 5:30 when that crazy Dunham & Miller program airs, but until then stay hard and keep jammin, and we'll see ya.

Remember when the Boys were like, good and stuff?

2010-11-11T13:40:00.003-06:00

Then...

and Now...

"that's the way baseball go"

2010-10-28T10:18:00.002-05:00

whatever you're going to be for Halloween, don't. because you've already lost to this little guy

San Francisco Libbies deny green self in effort to mess with Texas

2010-10-27T14:21:00.003-05:00

no matter,

IT'S TIME

CLAW

ANTLERS

GINGER ALE

RIP

2010-10-26T12:01:00.002-05:00

the Cowboys are finished. bury them. leave a cellphone in the coffin but bury them.

a few suggestions for this second, even worse half of the 2010 season-

feed Romo steroids. do it openly, let the league and media know about it. he'll get a four game suspension that won't matter because he was already going to miss 8-10 because of his injury. hopefully with the help of the steroids he'll be healthy after four weeks and will come back early from the injury/everyone will learn something about steroids (talking to you, stupid media)

also, while Romo is serving his four game suspension I believe the Cowboys need to hire Jeff Garcia. the man can play and would make us better than okay during Romo's four game steroid suspension.

IJS

I Pick Games Good

2010-10-25T11:08:00.003-05:00

http://games.espn.go.com/pigskin/en/group?groupID=6666&entryID=119617
5 from the bottom

I'm only posting this because I know after tonight I won't be on the first page (I keep picking the cowboys)

Go Rangers!

RANGERS WIN!

2010-10-13T14:01:00.003-05:00

if you don't understand why this is a big deal then read this

there's no denying that this is a football town, heck the metroplex and much of this state/region find their sports identity with the Dallas Cowboys. I can't help but believe that this is partly due to the fact that the Cowboys are winners (I know, they haven't won in a while....) meanwhile the professional teams that came to Dallas after the 'Boys have all been sometimes lovable always losers. the Rangers have been the kings of loserdom as the Stars (the latest pro squad to call Dallas home) won a championship just a few short years after settling into the metroplex. the Mavs haven't won a championship but they've had great regular season success and they have gone deep into the playoffs. winning covers losing. the Cowboys have won 5 Super Bowls although they haven't won since the mid-90s they're still "winners" in most of our minds, same goes for the Stars although they haven't been a contender in over a decade that single championship means everything. the Mavs, never champions, have won just enough to be in our good graces. the Rangers hadn't won a thing, until last night. the Rangers had always been there for us when we needed to go to a pro game but didn't want to spend a lotta money. they were there when the first sport we played was baseball and they were there when we needed a ball cap (I love my Cowboys hat but baseball is the only sport that has an article of clothing, a piece of their game day uniform, that can be worn by a regular Joe and Joe not be considered white trash. am I right?) the Rangers are finally "there" in mid-October and it feels wonderful, like a Canada Dry shower

Hambone doesn't do alcohol showers so his teammates shook up plastic bottles of ginger ale and showered the lockerroom with sweet, sweet airplane refreshing goodness. as someone tweeted last night "now that's a team"

the journey isn't over yet but let's acknowledge all of the teams in Rangers past (by way of logo) starting with the AL West champion, antler and claw throwin', 2010 Texas Rangers. ALCS HERE WE COME!

it's time.

Sports Rant

2010-10-12T13:35:00.005-05:00

I have decided that this blog will now be a forum to where I can share with you all what is wrong with the world. Since this is a historic time of Rangers Baseball, I thought I would start off with something relevant. Let's get right to it.

Who remembers the Dot Race? The event in the 7th inning most looked forward to by pre-teen Richard S. Yager has been bastardized. As a young child, any given Ranger game went as follows:

1. Get to the Ballpark

2. Receive your dot race color and coupon by the people just inside the gates

3. Get a pretzel with plenty of mustard

4. Find your seats after giving your calves a nice work-out. This was the 90's here, Rangers be winning pennants.

5. Watch Nolan Ryan beat down our opponent

6. Pretzel is gone, game slowing down, getting restless. Thankfully there is a dot race on the horizon. Two sporting events in one evening!

7. GAME TIME! Who's it gonna be? Blue? Red? Green?

Before the legendary race, I would pick a color with my friends and chauffeur-accompanied dad. I felt invested in that color and I knew I made the right choice every time. The race commences. Some colors show an early lead but you know they aren't going to keep it. You almost glad to see your color isn't winning the race because you know they are saving that fire for the home stretch. Sometimes it ended in a clear victory, and sometimes a photo finish. You never knew what the dot race was going to have in store for you.

Let's Wayne's World it to 2010. The dot race on the video board is nonexistent. Instead, there are real-life dot costumes running down the 3rd base line in a pathetic attempt to entertain the crowd. There's so many things wrong with this. The Rangers baseball club PAID for these costumes and the people participating. The race is a total sham. If any of these 'dots' cared about winning, they wouldn't be jogging/walking to the finish line and allow 12 lead changes throughout the race. And you want to know the worst part about it, IF your color wins, CONGRATULATIONS! you win 50 cents off a 24-pack of Ozarka water bottles. I can't say I recall the prize for the dot race of old, but I can guaran-damn-tee you it was something more worthwhile than the current 'prize'.

I'm pretty sure even if the dot race went back to the video screen, it would end up in a photo finish every time and remove any need to watch the first 3 laps.

Dot Race of today, I hate you. Rangers, I will see you in the World Series.

Dot Race = RANTED.

it's time

2010-10-06T15:16:00.000-05:00

joke buffet

2010-08-25T16:21:00.001-05:00

HULKAMANIA

2010-08-25T15:51:00.000-05:00

Twenty Ten-Man Wolfpack Draft Results, Guynes Edition

2010-08-24T13:26:00.004-05:00

QBs are so overrated in Fantasy Football! That's why I went with Tony Romo in the third round. Wait...

Things didn't go as planned so I don't know what the heck is going to happen this season, so you'll just have to judge for yourself, or just see how things play out.

QB - Tony Romo

RB 1 - DeAngelo Williams
RB 2 - Shonn Greene

WR 1 - Marques Colston
WR 2 - Dwayne Bowe
WR 3 - Terrell Owens

TE1 - Visanthe Shiancoe

K - Nate Kaeding

DEF - Philadelphia

meow!

2010-08-24T13:05:00.000-05:00

The 2010 Wolfpack Fantasy Football League

2010-08-23T22:22:00.003-05:00

this past Saturday things got real real. I met PJ for the first time and still prefer a man named Paul. Ryan was LIVE and in attendance. Ross drafted Joe Flacco.

I'm going to share my starters and hope the other guyz share theirs with you because I want you to make fun of them for being so stupid. I'm serious

QB Aaron Rodgers

RB Adrian Peterson (Vikings)
RB Steven Jackson

WR Michael Crabtree (I believe)
WR Chad Ochocinco
WR Percy Harvin (reach?)

TE Chris(ty) Cooley

K Stephen Gostkowski

DEF Dallas Cowboys

so there's no way you hate that team unless you don't like people named Steven/Stephen

short man, short wall strike again. p.s. I can throw down on a 9' basketball goal.

2010-08-23T21:22:00.001-05:00

STOP THE MAVNESS!!!

2010-08-17T14:48:00.002-05:00

do you see that hideous glowing blue jersey on the right? is that a new Dallas Mavericks jersey?? please. no.

e-mail Mark (mark.cuban@dallasmavs.com) and suggest one of these two great options-

think of the children

Last Biannual THEY'RE MAMMALS!!! Bizarro Fantasy Football League

2010-08-17T12:20:00.006-05:00

that's right, we drafted last night at Buffalo Wild Wings on Lemmon Avenue (next to Electric Ave.) you'll notice Paul Scheibe, Christopher "Cross" Cahill, Ross ON'eal and Jason Guynes all have terrible teams. that's because it's a bizarro league, dumbie

think of it like golf, which means golf is in fact a bizarro sport and should only be taken with a grain of salt and a side of mashed potatoes.

did anyone pick Adrian Peterson? hell no.

Adrian Peterson will a-Busey you

2010-08-17T12:16:00.001-05:00

Can This Future Heisman Winning QB Sing?

2010-08-13T17:23:00.001-05:00

No diggity. I cannot wait for this season...

midget climbs short fence makes good catch for bad team name.

2010-08-05T15:47:00.000-05:00

Dirk & Steve together again

2010-08-05T11:14:00.002-05:00

just wondering... aren't all of the white players really white? and since when was Kobe as dark as KG? Melo, perfect.p.s. Nash looks like a woman

really awkward SportingNews cover

2010-07-29T15:45:00.000-05:00

please Chris Kaman to the Mavs

2010-07-28T14:25:00.001-05:00

Roy Williams should carry Dez's shoulder pads

2010-07-26T12:05:00.003-05:00

does anyone like Roy Williams? has Roy Williams ever done anything good for the team? is Roy Williams the closest thing to a cancer in the locker room that the Cowboys have? furthermore is the media blowing this way outta proportion writing stories saying "Dez shoulda carried Roy's pads" and "Dez is a diva" I'd say things must be pretty quiet for this to get the coverage, national even, that it has. go Dez, glad to finally have a WR named Bryant that isn't crazy (I'm lookin' at you, Antonio)

sexy

2010-07-20T11:53:00.000-05:00

new letter from Cavs owner Dan Gilbert regarding another player's departure

2010-07-13T14:29:00.004-05:00

Dear Cleveland, all of Northeast Ohio and Cleveland Cavaliers supporters wherever you may be tonight;
As you now know, our former hero, who grew up in a very different region that he deserted this morning, is no longer a Cleveland Cavalier.
This was announced- this was announced?
Clearly, this is bitterly disappointing to all of us.
The good news is that the ownership team and the rest of the hard-working, loyal, and driven staff over here at your hometown Cavaliers have not betrayed you nor NEVER will betray you.
There is so much more to tell you about the events of the recent past and our more than exciting future. Over the next several days and weeks, we will be communicating much of that to you.
You simply don't deserve this kind of cowardly betrayal.
You have given so much and deserve so much more.
In the meantime, I want to make one statement to you tonight: "I personally guarantee that the Cleveland Cavaliers will win an NBA Championship before the self-titled former 'Z' wins one."
You can take it to the bank.
If you thought we were motivated before tonight to bring the hardware to Cleveland, I can tell you that this shameful display of selfishness and betrayal by one of our very own has shifted our "motivation" to previously unknown and previously never experienced levels.
Some people think they should go to heaven but NOT have to die to get there.
Sorry, but that's simply not how it works.
This shocking act of disloyalty from our not so homegrown "Ilgauskas" sends the exact opposite lesson of what we would want our children to learn. And "who" we would want them to grow up to become.
But the good news is that this heartless and callous action can only serve as the antidote to the so-called "curse" on Cleveland, Ohio.
The self-declared former "Z" will be taking the "curse" with him down south. And until he does "right" by Cleveland and Ohio, Zydrynas (and the town where he plays) will unfortunately own this dreaded spell and bad karma.
Just watch.
Sleep well, Cleveland. Tomorrow is a new and much brighter day...
I PROMISE you that our energy, focus, capital, knowledge and experience will be directed at one thing and one thing only:
DELIVERING YOU the championship you have long deserved and is long overdue...

reaction to Dampier trade

2010-07-13T14:23:00.001-05:00

“I strongly disagree with Erick Dampier's recent comments and we are not going to engage in any related discussion on it. Going forward, we’re very excited about the Mavericks and the positive future of our region.”

He's Going to Miami

2010-07-09T15:41:00.007-05:00

Party in the city where the heat is on
All night on the beach till the break of dawn
Welcome to Miami (bienvenido a Miami)
Bouncing in the club where the heat is on
All night on the beach till the break of dawn
I'm going to Miami
Welcome to Miami

That, as you may very well know, is the chorus to the popular 90's track "Miami". Heat. Hmm, who's that. Is On. Dawn. What do "is on" and "dawn" rhyme with, heat fans??? The motherflipping parody song writes itself!!! Did heat fans write one? Noooo. Is LeBron a heat anyway? Yes. That's bulsh. That should be why jerseys are burning in streets. Why Dan Gilbert is so piping mad. Bienvenido a Miami, LeBron. While I can't fault a guy wanting to play ball in South Beach with his homies, I say go Celts, Magic and Bulls for that stunt you pulled. See you at the Death Star!

9 Drops of NBA Free Agency Knowledge

2010-07-02T09:54:00.006-05:00

Random thoughts on NBA Free Agency 2010 so far...

I don't know who Amir Johnson is, but he re-signed with the Raps for $32 million (that'll ease the blow with fans when Bosh leaves!)
I heard Darko ($20 million) described as the most brilliant man on the planet this morning. I agree with the point, but I think that title belongs to his agent.
I can't decide if I want a LeBron Mavs jersey tee, or just a tee with a big picture of his face on it. Def getting wristbands though...
Rajon Rondo immediately looks underpaid at 5 years, $50 million.
Brendan Haywood is going to be really hard to re-sign (see wild ass contracts above)
Muchos gracias to Los Hawks for saving us from signing Joe Johnson.
Happy for Drew Gooden.
Also heard the Nyets are out of the LeSweepstakes because the word around the Association is that it sucks to play for Avery. Giggle.
If you want to read something about NBA Free Agency that is a lot better than this, see Guynes' buzz or go here

Encouraging Cowboys Info

2010-06-29T13:16:00.004-05:00

I might be a little late on this, but here's an interesting Cowboys uni tidbit from Richie Whitt.

NBA draft is tonight

2010-06-24T14:36:00.002-05:00

Mavericks, please tell the Harlem Globetrotters that you'll be taking Mister Mark Titus off of their hands

He good.

2010-06-18T15:24:00.000-05:00

Originally posted 6.15.2009...

He's won 10 NBA championships in 19 seasons of coaching. He's won "one for the thumb". Twice. But there is one more campaign to complete. Phil Jackson needs #11, a.k.a. the "ring for the ding-a-ling".

UPDATE: He got it! What's the motivation now? Rename the Big 12 the Big Phil Jackson? That makes zero sense. We do need a new name though, and I haven't heard a good one yet...

Pac-16!

2010-06-08T12:31:00.005-05:00

Wheels Up, Big XII South! We're going to the beach! (Err...sorry, Baylor.) I love this idea. The Super Conference thing is happening soon, so let's be proactive before all collegiate athletic hell breaks loose.

The Big XII doesn't include enough big markets to expand itself. There are basically only two options for Big XII South schools. Pac-10 or the SEC. Schools from Texas and Oklahoma would be the outside douchers of the SEC. We're not in The South. Look at Arkansas, they don't fit in. And the schedules would be brutal.

The Pac-10 isn't as established as other conferences so we could go in and be big dogs. Start some new rivalries. Open the doors to California recruiting. Daisy Dukes. Bikinis on top. Go Pac-16!

Got Kickz?

2010-06-03T09:51:00.004-05:00

Cowboys Rookie WR Dez Bryant approaches the ball at full-speed and shirtless durning field goal drills at the Cowboys latest OTA

Can Dez Bryant kick? Because the Cowboys don't have a kicker right now and this Cowboys fan is getting nervous. Ferris Buehler kicks like a sawed-off shotgun (powerful and all over the place), so I don't think he's the answer.

Steve Nash Coast to Coast

2010-05-27T17:36:00.001-05:00

do I miss Steve? yes.

2010-05-25T12:31:00.001-05:00

mmm, mmm, toasty

2010-05-25T12:09:00.000-05:00

a bunch of desperate vigilantes

2010-05-25T11:03:00.003-05:00

BELIEVE IT, the above logo is the NEW logo for the Dallas Arena Football League team. Below is the old logo, which was nothing special but geez it at least looks professional and "Dallas Desperados" has a ring to it- "Dallas Vigilantes" and with that ugly logo sounds like a biker gang from Harry Hines.... someone please tell me why this change was made

Neat World Cup Commercial

2010-05-21T11:28:00.005-05:00

Don't be such a rectangle, Creth! Soccer is cool....

Move Over Donnie, There's a New GM in Town!!!

2010-05-17T13:00:00.004-05:00

We all know that Mavs fans have been making this face a lot lately:

...but it's time to turn that frown upside-down, because someone has put forth some great - no, FANTASTIC - ideas on where to go with the Mavericks' roster!

I found this little gem buried on espn.com's comments section in a piece that Skin wrote about how to get the Atlanta Hawks' Joe Johnson to the Mavs.

It seems an armchair general manager by the name of "GrenceHarvey" has a pretty radical idea that nobody in the Dallas area or the sports media on the local or national level has even begun to consider yet. Instead of Joe Johnson, why don't we try and get someone better than Joe Johnson? Better yet, the argument is in all caps! I'll admit that definitely increased its effectiveness.

Keep in mind this was written between games 5 and 6 of the Cavs-Celtics series, so LeBron was still in the playoffs but the Cavs looked extremely vulnerable.

OK, enough with the backstory already!!! Let's get to the master plan! Hit it, Harvey! (His comments are in bold text, with my interjections in good ol' Mavs blue!)

if i were the GM of the team, i'll do his like this:

1.) IF THE CAVS WONT WIN THE TITLE THIS SEASON, IM SURE LEBRON WONT EXTEND HIS CONTRACT WITH THEM. SO HE'LL BECOME A GREE AGENT.

Not sure what a "gree agent" is, but I think we all agree he'll be bidding farewell to the land of Cleve! I mean Cleveland you guys!

2.) NOW LEBRON IS A FREE AGENT, I'LL SIGN HIM DIRECTLY.

Hey! Not a bad plan. I hear he's good!

3.) NEXT IS THIS: I'LL TRADE SHAN MARION AND HAYWOOD OR DAMP FOR KAMAN.

He's talking about the LA Clippers' Chris Kaman who plays center. Technically Brendan Haywood doesn't have a contract with the Mavericks, so we don't know how much he would make if Dallas did re-sign him, but let's assume he and "Shan Marion" make roughly the same that Kaman does. Great trade! With Blake Griffin back and impervious to future injury, Donald Sterling doesn't need a backup center.

=SO THE LINEUP WILL BE LIKE THIS:
PG= KIDD SG=BUTLER SF=JAMES PF=DIRK C=KAMAN
BENCH: TERRY, BEAUBOIS, BAREA, NAJERA, HAYWOOD OR DAMP, THOMAS, STEVENSON, CARROLL.

Wow! Great job, GM! Where's the line for season tickets?!

BUT IF THE CAVS WILL WIN THE TITLE:
1.) SIGN DWADE RATHER THAN JOE JOHNSON... DWADE: MUCH YOUNGER, TOUGHER, SCORER...

"DWADE" is referring to the Miami Heat's Dwyane Wade. And if "seven months" is a lot younger, then you're absolutely correct, Harv! Looks like the court has ruled a unanimous decision in the case of "Joe v Wade"!!!

2.) TRADE BUTLER AND HAYWOOD OR DAMP FOR KAMAN OR DAVID LEE.

No arguments here! Although I'm a little surprised you got the Knicks to give up their best player. Well, I guess he's not the best player once they sign LeBron! Oh, wait, you said he's staying with the Cavs in this scenario. Did they get Dwyane Wade then? Hold up - he's with us. Well I guess they just got tired of underpaying him and let him walk. Your negotiating skills never cease to amaze me!

LINEUP:
PG KIDD, SG WADE, SF MARION, PF DIRK, C KAMAN OR LEE

BENCH: TERRY, BEAUBOIS, BAREA, NAJERA, HAYWOOD OR DAMP, STEVENSON, THOMAS, CARROLL

Wow! Will this team EVER lose?! I know you kind of glossed over the fact that four of those guys are currently free agents, but I suppose you're just so good of a GM that you re-signed them all without so much as a mention!

So there you have it. The future is bright for your Dallas Mavericks, so get ready for our string of multiple championships!

Things Dallas Should Do To Get LeBron

2010-05-14T09:54:00.003-05:00

Name a Metroplex suburb "LeBron" (LeBron, Texas. I would move there.)
"LeMavs" night (LeBron loves alt jerseys)
Creth calls his beard "LeBeard"
Membership in the Wolfpack (Peace out, anybody. Including me.)
10 games at Cowboys Stadium (neither Cubes nor Jerry would object)
In fact, free naming rights for LeBron Cowboys Stadium
Double in fact, roster spot on the Cowboys (we gave Jesse Holley one, how 'bout a 6'9" dude who can run?)
Rename Cesar Chavez Blvd "LeBron Kicks Ass Blvd"
I have a brand new basketball that's never been used. LeBron, it's yours.
"LeMammals!!!"

Feel free to add more. We'll need it...

because I've already moved on...

2010-05-03T15:27:00.002-05:00

seriously? no. I'm still so pissed I could spit that Rick "Butterfly Kisses" Carlisle screwed up the Mavericks' playoff hopes by leaving our most valuable weapon (Roddy B.) on the bench for most of the series....

but when I look at Zach Galifianakis and Tony Romo laughing together I can't help but feel that all is right in the world. at least for that moment.

Go Rangers

2010-05-01T15:41:00.004-05:00

I wasn't ready for baseball season, but at least our manager knows how to party...

por favor

2010-04-30T12:51:00.001-05:00

Worst Slide Tackle Nutshot Ever - Watch more Funny Videos

Fear the Deer (Mascot)

2010-04-27T14:33:00.003-05:00

Take notice, Champ...this is insane!

a lot of soccer lately, I apologize

2010-04-23T15:03:00.000-05:00

FOLLOW @THEYREMAMMALS 2010 NFL DRAFT LIVE TWEETING

2010-04-22T15:30:00.002-05:00

did I say that right? what I'm tryin' to say is that we're going to tweet the hell outta the first round of the NFL draft tonight so you'd better go to www.twitter.com/theyremammals and follow us or become our friend so that we can trade hilarious observations while Jimmy Clausen waits.

Deshawn, Abe and Adam's apple

2010-04-20T10:41:00.000-05:00

soccer still sucks but slaps should be rewarded

2010-04-20T10:29:00.000-05:00

Look at these (un)cool shirts you can buy...

2010-04-16T14:59:00.004-05:00

Click the image below to see why I'm piping mad at these guys...

Triple Official 2010 NBA Playoffs Preview

2010-04-15T12:49:00.005-05:00

First Round Series Previews and Fearless Predictions in 10 words or less...

WEST

LA vs OKC
Glitziest NBA city vs Suburbiest NBA city

Dallas vs San Antonio
We meet again...

PHX vs Portland
Kick each other's ass!

Denver vs Utah
I wish JR Smith played for Utah for comedic reasons

EAST

Just tell me what time LeBron plays...

The Dirk Abides Part Deux

2010-04-14T12:01:00.001-05:00

This would've been better...

Jerry go rehab?

2010-04-14T10:39:00.002-05:00

something's telling me "nooo, nooo, nooo" bust still how does he spin this? wouldn't an alcohol problem be easier than "I used that shit Parcells to trick Arlington into building my monument. oh, by the way Tebow can suck my...

most important part of this video- what bar in Dallas has televisions for sports watching and beautiful live piano music for your listening pleasure?? I want to go to there.

Chan Ho had a lot of what?

2010-04-14T10:26:00.001-05:00

boxing isn't dead, sorta

2010-04-12T11:39:00.000-05:00

The Dirk abides

2010-04-08T13:46:00.001-05:00

Sports so much talk

2010-04-05T11:10:00.003-05:00

so I'm a little down after I couldn't find an embeddable copy of the video of Mark Cuban seemingly fighting an official at a Mavs game (it was an April Fools joke that has to be the number one April Fools joke of all sports time)

but the Cows did release two expensive old dudes (which I'm told was a good move) and the Eagles traded away their "Brett Favre" so I can't be too upset. well, the 'Skins did just get the best QB they've had in ever. so the NFL season is light years away and baseball just started, I kinda understand why Ron did cocaine...

2:34 hockey fight, don't tell me fighting isn't good for hockey

2010-03-24T13:33:00.002-05:00

as the television man says this is almost a boxing round, lasting 2 minutes and 34 seconds. I love that the fans are on their feet, both teams are cheering on their men and the refs just let 'em go. oh and is there anything better than the PA guy playing "WAR! what is it good for?" over and over? brilliant, this is what could bring me to hockey, sorry Olympics...

MARCH ANGRYNESS

2010-03-22T14:14:00.002-05:00

so no one's happy that Texas A&M lost to Purdon't but there's nothing we can do and these are the teams we picked that are still left in the tourney and will play this weekend-

MIDWEST
Michigan State over Northern Iowa (something's gotta give, either M. State's injuries will catch up with them or N. Iowa's luck will run out)
Ohio State over Tennessee

WEST
Syracuse over Butler
Xavier vs Kansas State
Kansas State vs Xavier (we're split but really we'd rather K. State win)

EAST
Kentucky over Cornell (have loved Cornell but can't see Kentucky losin')
West Virginia over Washington (should be the best game of the weekend)

SOUTH
Duke over Purdon't (grudge match)
Baylor over St. Mary's (the only hope from the great state of Texas)

THEY'RE MAMMALS PICKS THE MARCH MADNESS

2010-03-18T15:02:00.004-05:00

so apparently we only agree with each other half of the time. out of the 32 first round match ups we all agreed on only 17 picks, here are those 17-

MIDWEST
Kansas over Lehigh (never stood a chance)
Michigan State over New Mexico State (only State vs. State match up of the tourney)
Maryland over Houston (I wanted to pick Houston...)
Georgetown over Ohio (of Ohio)
Ohio State over UCSB (isn't that a bank?)

WEST
Syracuse over Vermont
Xavier over Minnesota
Pittsburgh over Oakland
Kansas State over North Texas (we all sided with the BIG 12 over the DFW Metroplex)

EAST
Kentucky over Eastern Tennessee (hillbilly brawl)
Wisconsin over Wofford (favorite name in the tourney)
New Mexico over Montana (sorry Joe)
West Virginia over Morgan State (Morgan, not a state)

SOUTH
Duke over Arkansas Pine Bluff (Duke sucks and they're still gonna be AR-PB)
Texas A&M (WHOOP!) over Utah State (duh)
Baylor over Sam Houston State (always pick God's team)
Villanova over Robert Morris (or is it Richard? I don't know and I don't care)

you've seen our picks, what about yours?

when you're flyin' a Jet you better wear a mask

2010-03-18T09:37:00.003-05:00

this is what I thought Jet might look like-
and this is what he looked like- pretty close, huh?

In Memory: Ron Washington (Carver) the future former Texas Rangers manager

2010-03-17T14:15:00.003-05:00

"cocaine's a helluva drug"

what CP3 has been doin' while he's injured

2010-03-17T12:04:00.000-05:00

maybe Faith Hill is not such a bad singer after all

2010-03-10T16:44:00.002-06:00

March Sadness prep bracket

2010-03-10T16:42:00.001-06:00

THAT Marion Jones to play for WNBA

2010-03-10T16:37:00.002-06:00

I never realized that before she was winning Olympic track and field gold with help from the 'roids and subsequently spending time in prison Marion Jones played basketball for UNC. now she'll be playing for the Tulsa Shock! not really, more surprise

check this out

2010-03-08T15:59:00.002-06:00

Thoughts by Craig. no, seriously his first two thoughts (or "posts" if that's what you geeks wanna call them) are completely sports related. first he tackles sports equality and the fact that all sports just aren't created equally. I agree and the first distinction I make is that of sports that are judged and sports that are not (I hate sports that are judged). what do you think? agree/disagree/prefer not to keep score at all?

the second post is the big reveal- Craig's Sports Pyramid with a scoring system that details the best and worst athletes and what sports they play. you've gotta check this one out because you probably played one of the lower sports and want to defend it... ya can't. the Sports Pyramid did get me thinkin' about who, out of the major sports, are considered the greatest of all time and here's the list I came up with (in no particular order)

Jim Brown
Michael Jordan
Wayne Gretzky
Babe Ruth
"Pelé"
Jack Nicklaus
Jim Thorpe
Roger Federer
Muhammad Ali
Lance Armstrong
Michael Phelps

right/wrong?

is this what Jet will look like after surgery?

2010-03-04T18:36:00.000-06:00

MeShawn Stevenson a.k.a. costume 2010

2010-02-25T13:41:00.001-06:00

Tiger practices... Buddhism?

2010-02-19T15:56:00.001-06:00

easily the most memorable part of today's "conference"

Snow Does the Darndest Things

2010-02-11T13:26:00.005-06:00

The Opening Ceremonies for the 2010 Olympic Winter Games are tomorrow and it's snowing hella more in Dallas than it is in Vancouver. Weather Giggle.

2011 Super Bowl logo the coldest ever? no color??

2010-02-04T16:55:00.001-06:00

YES!!! IN THE FACE!!!

2010-02-04T08:26:00.003-06:00

This monster dunk by Ray Turner inspired the Fightin' Texas Aggie Hoop Squad to end Mizzzzzzou's 32 game home winning streak last night, 77-74. Throw it down big fella!

weird relationship

2010-02-02T10:13:00.002-06:00

Drew Brees: "I look up to you, it won't be easy for me to be your opponent" Peyton Manning: "that's Mr. Opponent to you, squirt"

Steve Nash, did we just become BF again?

2010-02-01T15:28:00.000-06:00

2010 NBA All-Star Snubs

2010-01-29T10:06:00.004-06:00

Dude's averaging 1.6 .2 and .2. Seriously, WTF?

(That's the only photo of Matt Carroll in Mavs gear that I found on Google. Even his NBA page isn't updated. Check it...)

HAPPY BIRTHDAY DALLAS COWBOYS!!!

2010-01-28T13:22:00.011-06:00

in honor of this glorious occasion I'm bringing you a photo list (alphabetical) of the men who have started at the quarterback position for the Dallas Cowboys over the past 50 years. there are a few men that are not represented here because their picture apparently does not exist on the internet (so they really don't deserve to be on the list anyway) here you will find Super Bowl winners and losers that never should have worn the star on their helmet... in making this list it reminded me of James Bond. when you think of James Bond only a few (or one) actors come to mind, I think the same can be said of the quarterback position for the Dallas Cowboys- Dandy Don, Roger The Dodger, Danny White, Troy Aikman and Tony Romo- America's Men

the real Super Bowl match up

2010-01-28T11:31:00.004-06:00

whose drink reigns supreme? (two straight posts containing the word "reign" that's messed up)

Drew Brees' "AdvoCare SPARK whatever drink"
or Peyton Manning's Gatora... who are we kidding? look at Peyton! that's badass! Peyton and Gatorade win 10 times outta 10. sorry Drew, you're gonna lose.

anybody interested in some heavier than metal?

2010-01-28T11:28:00.003-06:00

gotta be honest, Columbo and Davis (sometimes Procter) could have come up with a better album cover... looks like a fake rock album cover from a movie starring Shai Labeouf GO COWBOYS!

24 Second Shot Clock

2010-01-27T20:52:00.011-06:00

Monday Night Football is over for another season. Snap! At least there's 24. Day 8 has made me say 24 Character, you look just like...

President Omar Hassan & Jonathan Silverman

Farhad Hassan & Jason Schwartzman

Cole Ortiz & Summer Catch's Ryan Dunne (SPORTS!)
Kim Bauer & Sean Avery's Ex-GF (yet more SPORTS!)

Go Mavs!

sooner or later

2010-01-27T15:31:00.001-06:00

we had to know that party lovin' Josh Howard (haven't we traded him yet?) and T.O. were going to throw a weird "black tie" party on the day of the All-Star game at a rock and roll venue. good luck, dudes

gaze upon the glory

2010-01-25T11:30:00.003-06:00

first things first- Paul Lukas over at Uni-Watch totally rocked my world, again, by revealing the Brad Childress has a hearing imparement!!!?! I. feel. like. a. horse's. pa. toot. (you'll see why later) also who knew that Brad Childress and Flozell Adams had/have ANYTHING in common? surprise, surprise, surprise... here are some random conference championship/Super Bowl thoughts I had (and tweeted)
-Mark Sanchez shaved his playoff stubble (off ) and wore an undershirt to his post game press conference. that makes him the second best dressed starting quarterback in Sunday's post game pressers. Sanchez is behind Peyton Manning who wore a suit and looked like he was serious (but it's just a game!) meanwhile Brett Farve looked like a old dead body that had been propped up behind a few microphones (he's second worst dressed) and Dree Brews wore that stupid Newsies hat that Tony Romo can't seem to get away from (can escape almost any rushing defender but can't get away from that damn hat) so Brews, step it up for the Super Bowl

-Gary Brackett does not look like a football player, he will be a very successful R&B producer when he stops faking football.

-Sunday = National French League football because, presumedly, the only two Pierre's in the league won their games (Pierre Garcon of Indy and Pierre Thomas of N.O.)

-every time Farve says that he's going to "talk" with his family his entire family rolls their eyes. they hate him more than I do

-did you know the NBA scheduled games during the NFL's conference championship games? idiots. so you missed the Mavs 50 point demolishing of the New York Knocks, otherwise known as the Knocks worst home loss (at the Garden) ever! but seriously, why is the Garden such a big deal? who cares!

-Pam Oliver tried to make Reggie Bush cry when she interviewed him after the game "are you going to be alright?" bitch, please!

-believe it or not both Matt Lineheart and Reggie Bush have made it to a Super Bowl, ridiculous. neither got their the way we might have thought they would (at least, the way we thought they would before they played Vince Young in the Rose Bowl. speaking of Young, he's going to the Pro Bowl for being the only quarterback in the AFC that didn't say "no, I don't wanna play in that joke of a game!")

-when it's all said and done the Saints will have played 3 straight games against 3 Hall of Fame quarterbacks, pretty remarkable (he remarked)

-Manning's heading back to the site of his first Super Bowl (let's pray for no rain this time) and Brews is finally going to the city he should have landed in as a free agent

-last time both #1 seeds made it to the Super Bowl? 1993, Dallas vs. Buffalo

-between Favre's interceptions and Peterson's fumbles you had to know they couldn't win the Super Bowl and you can't be surprised that they didn't even make it that far

-Childress actually wore a Motorola headset! probably bought it at a mall kiosk

-can Brett Farve finally retire to Valhalla?

NFL Conf. Championship match ups (mascot style)

2010-01-18T14:28:00.004-06:00

I can't see how The Saint(s)
could beat the vikings but stupider things have happened

and the Jets have an obvious advantage over the

colt but thankfully the mascots will be off the field of play and the Vikes will beat the Saints and the Colts will beat the Jets. am I right?

"Los Mavs" Indeed...

2010-01-11T11:52:00.004-06:00

I don't know when "Los Mavs" night is this year, but if they were smart, they'd give JJ Barea and newcomer-for-the-second-time Eddie Najera the start.

What better way to tip the cap to the Hispanic population? You know, other than some empty gesture of just adding a Spanish article before the team name on our jerseys that's really more of a marketing ploy to sell more Mavericks gear to Latinos.

Though I will admit that I am skeptical that we even owe anything to the Hispanic population in the first place. I think the Mavericks should have a German culture appreciation night... technically speaking, don't we owe those guys more of our gratitude than we do Hispanics?

Besides, I wouldn't be caught dead in a Los Mavs jersey, but you better believe I'd be first in line for our alternate "DIE ALLEINGÄNGER" jerseys. (Thanks, freetranslation.com!)

Ross - get to photoshoppin'!

Mark Cuban's about to have a real crisis on his hands

2010-01-11T11:35:00.004-06:00

just noticed that the Mavs are playing the Raptors at 11:30 a.m. this Sunday, the same day (and close to same time) that the Cowboys play the Vikings at 12:00 p.m. so.... is Goodell messin' with Cuban? not really cuz the Mavs are on the road and I'm betting that Cubes doesn't care about the Raptors ticket sales. what say you?

p.s. welcome back, Senor Eduardo Najera.

The Return of NBA Jam, Part IV

2010-01-11T11:22:00.004-06:00

Last division :( All of these teams look pretty fun...

Northwest

Denver: Carmelo Anthony and Chauncey Billups
Birdman in Tourney Edish. His tattoos could cause epileptic seizures.

Portland: Brandon Roy and LaMarcus Aldridge
Oden? Noden.

Oklahoma City*: Kevin Durant and Russell Westbrook
Zombie Sonics pretty dope in NBA Jam.

Utah: Deron Williams and Carlos Boozer
NBA Jam Utah Jazz much better than NBA Utah Jazz.

Minnesota: Jonny Flynn and Kevin Love
Here's another something for Kevin Love and Al Jefferson to fight about...

*Look Creth! OKC in the Northwest!! AHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!

The Return of NBA Jam, Part III

2010-01-08T14:49:00.004-06:00

yello, it's time for the best in the West a.k.a. the Pacific division. as Guynes pointed out to me last night- the original NBA Jam was missing a huge (if not the hugest) star, Michael Jordan, cuz he c-blocked the use of his image. keep this in mind...

Sacramento- OMRI CASSPI (because NBA Jam needs a Jew) and Kevin Martin (I know, you can't believe I'd put Casspi over Tyreke Evans well complain about it in the comments! I can imagine we won't have anyone complaining about the absence of Desmond Mason or Sean May...)
Pheenix- Steven Nash and Amare Stoudemire (honorable mention goes to Jason Richardson and Grant Hill)
Los Angeles (Lakers)- Pau Gasol and Sasha Vujacic (Kobe CB'ed what otherwise could have been the best team in NBA Jam history OH WAIT, PAU IS A JOKE. SOMEBODY GIVE THAT MAN AN "L". also I would love to see a Luke Walton/Jordan Farmar team, even an ex-Mavs Josh Powell/D.J. Mbenga squad or lastly the Ron Artest/Lamar Odom carnival. sorry Adam Morrison, couldn't find anyone for you to play with STORY OF HIS LIFE)
Los Angeles (Clippers)- too easy, Baron "The Beard" Davis and Chris "uglier than Rik Smits' scrotum" Kaman
Golden State- for a team devoid of a superstar/franchise player (isn't Devean George a franchise player?) I'm gonna go with Monta "don't call me Monte" Ellis and Andris "my tan, my hair, my beauty" Biedrins

I tire. nap time

NFL mascot mania

2010-01-08T08:15:00.001-06:00

an interesting thing happened on the way to the forum (what the f?) but seriously, mascots fall under three categories- animals, nicknames and miscellaneous

animals-
1. Ravens
2. Bills (buffalo, which are actually bison but whatev)
3. Bengals (tiger)
4. Broncos (horse)
5. Colts (horse)
6. Jaguars
7. Dolphins
8. Cardinals (bird, not the Stanford tree)
9. Falcons
10. Panthers
11. Bears
12. Lions
13. Eagles
14. Rams
15. Seahawks
that's 5 birds, 2 horned animals, 1 bear, 2 cats, 2 horses and a mammal that's a fish.

nicknames-
1. Browns (named after Paul Brown, former owner or something stupid like that)
2. Texans
3. Chiefs (p.c. or not p.c.?)
4. Patriots (too p.c.?)
5. Raiders
6. Steelers
7. Titans (is a titan like a giant?)
8. Cowboys
9. Vikings
10. Saints (like, I guess this is supposed to be catholic or something?)
11. Giants (if a titan is a giant does that mean a giant is a titan? no.)
12. 49ers
13. Buccaneers
14. Redskins (not p.c. but we're okay with this)
so that's 5 Americans, 2 native Americans, 2 pirates, 1 Nordic person, 2 mythological things, and one dead catholic

miscellaneous-
1. Jets (like an airplane)
2. Chargers
3. Packers
now obviously I know what a jet is but what the hell is a charger or a packer?? these are two mascots I cannot get behind. Mr. Goodell, could you please do something about this?

The Return of NBA Jam, Part II

2010-01-07T13:03:00.010-06:00

Great post, Guynes! If you haven't seen it, here's The Return of NBA Jam, Part I. Although we all know that the West side is the best side, I'm going to knock out the East. Here are my choices for these teams' lineups for the new NBA Jam...

Atlantic

Boston: Rajon Rondo and Paul Pierce
A number of good combos here...Rondo/KG, Pierce/KG, Allen/Pierce, Allen/KG. Plus, the Tourney Edish could include 'Sheed and Big Baby. Celts have a strong NBA Jam roster.

Toronto: Chris Bosh and Hedo Turkoglu
Would it be fun to break a press with this team? No. But Hedo and Bargnani are both better than Jose Calderon, so it seemed silly to put him on the team.

New York: David Lee and Nate Robinson
I know Nate Robinson comes off the bench...if he even plays. But Kryptonate belongs.

Philadelphia: Andre Iguodala and Elton Brand
This is the NBA Jam equivalent of "Hi...I'm in Delaware."

New Jersey: Devin Harris and Brook Lopez
Speed and quicks are big assets, precision passing...not as much. Devin Duck, meet water!

Central

Cleveland: LeBron James and Mo Williams
I can't fathom how good NBA Jam LeBron will be. He won't need 40 year old Shaq's help guarding bigs, so we're going with Mo.

Milwaukee: Brandon Jennings and Andrew Bogut
This was easy and Yung Buck's flat top is a must-include.

Chicago: Derrick Rose and Joakim Noah
Luol Deng is better statistically, but Noah's hair makes him more video game friendly.

Detroit: Ben Gordon and Charlie Villanueva
Yes, Rip Hamilton better represents the Pistons, but Ben Gordon catches fire in real life and I wanna see if CV can tweet at halftime (Is it in the game, EA?!?)

Indiana: Danny Granger and Roy Hibbert
Uh-oh, competition for my earlier Delaware comment. I'm guessing the Pacers aren't gonna get a lot of burn in this game.

Southeast

Orlando: Dwight Howard and Vince Carter
Sorry, Jameer. It was close though.

Atlanta: Joe Johnson and Josh Smith
Quietly, a sick team.

Miami: Dwyane Wade and Michael Beasley
Never playing as this stupid team...

Charlotte: Gerald Wallace and Tyson Chandler
Somebody just threw their hat in the Delaware ring! NBA Jam Achievement: Play 5 games with Charlotte.

Washington: Gilbert Arenas and Caron Butler
Butler and Jamison might be a better team, but Agent Zero opens the door for gambling or first person shooter side games. Hibachi!!!